You have to learn to understand the forces of your nature that are no longer appropriate to express

"Being human therefore means, that you are to some extent in charge of a destiny that you are given but do not entirely control."

Liike.

Heard a lot of "He's just an idiot if he dosen't see how great you are!" and "Aw, I was hoping he would wake up and open his eyes about you" lately. I definitely appreciate it, I mean it's of course very nice to hear that these people (some who I haven't even known that long) think these things, but then a part of me is sort of like "Wait a minute, if he's an idiot and I really like him, what does that say about me?!" haha. Juuuust kidding!

I know those sorts of statements are meant to cheer me up (not that I need cheering up but I really appreciate the sentiment behind it), but I never have really gotten them. Sort of like "Oh, well you're better off without him" or "His loss." First of all, it makes me want to defend "him" (that might just be the too-nice person inside of me) and secondly, I just don't get it. I mean I do, but it doesn't really make sense in my head, and I don't think it would be something I would really ever say to a friend myself. I can play casual (though I prefer to play for keeps if I really find something to treasure), but something about that side of thinking seems so.. flippant. Disposable. Rooting for me, on the other hand, is wholly appreciated. ;]

Oh my goodness, there is some scent of heavenly, scrumptious, amazing deliciousness wafting upstairs from the kitchen. I love the smell of food sometimes more than eating it! It's definitely confusing my brain, which I always find mildly amusing/intriguing/weird. My body is full but my head is telling me to eat because of the ol' olfactory sense getting tickled pink.

Instincts are telling me not necessarily to back off, but to practice a little bit of restraint. I guess those are the same thing in the end, haha. I want to be aggressive and want to go after something I care so deeply about, but there isn't any rush and I don't want to push whatever fragile reconnection (really a byproduct of finally meeting all of the friends, but whatevs) we've gained over the edge. It's clear that there's still something there, I can dig on that for now and steal whatever time I can get while I can get it.

I can't be mad at him for exploring other opportunities. I am shy, aloof, and will seem much more distant than I want to be or feel towards a person until a good chunk of time passes. The first relationship attests to that, most definitely.

I can't say I haven't tried dating and exploring other opportunities since things dwindled down. Hell, for New Year's Eve I flew to the other side of the nation in order to try something out with someone I've only spent 2 weeks with (and those 2 weeks happened 2 years ago). I've been on several dates, experienced strangers, friends of friends, potential best friends, and maybe a little flair of initial excitement. But that was about.. it. A little flair, maybe some nervousness. Nothing got very far, nothing lasted. In fact, the only sense of intimacy I reached with someone else only brought my endearing guy into mind. It was confusing because I hadn't thought of my endearing guy in awhile, he had said he had a date when we had last hung out (which was the last time I had seen him in 3-4ish months) so I didn't expect to be anything but buddies. I didn't expect to wake up in his bed a week later! God, the end of that night was amazing. That night was amazing!

This is sort of like when your teacher forgets that they were going to assign you homework, and it's a 50/50 if they'll forget and you'll jet off to the weekend/Spring Break homework-free, or if "that student" will perk up and remind the teacher in time.