Hmmm. Hm, hm, hmm. I've neglected this little area of the Internet! Ten days in Internet time is like a month in real time. I swear, in the only instance where I was able to stay off of Facebook for a few weeks, I had messages, wall posts and texts up the wahoo asking me if I was okay because people thought there was something wrong. I don't know if that speaks to the caliber of my Facebook friends or the extremity of my Facebook addiction, haha!
You know there's always that feeling you get in the beginning of something. There's always that excitedness, there's always those butterflies, flounders, I-feel-like-I'm-awkwardly-moving-in-slow-motion-in-front-of-you moments followed by I-can't-stop-smiling moments (assuming we're having a good time). And then there are always those feelings at the end of something. Those unsure, wavering hypotheses as to why it didn't work out. If you're like me you take the mental film reel you kept recording all of those moments together and inspect for any signs of damage or wear and tear.
Unfortunately I do this for short-term relationships as well as long term, e.g. something that lasted a few months AND something that lasted 3 and 1/2 years. And it serves to make me pretty dense at times, haha. Its okay. I'm just a sensitive, silly gal. Someone I met and went on a few dates with, George, told me, "Wow, you seem so innocent and untainted." I've gotten that a lot, though keep in mind this was after the summer of 2009 where I did a lot of badassery I've never done before. Braved new worlds and new territories, boldly going, all that jazz (thank you Jean Luc Picard). I suppose I always assumed "innocent" tied in with "inexperience" more than anything else, but in this instance it wasn't after I answered "no" to a series of "Have you ever" questions. In this instance it wasn't asking if I've been out of the country, relating a story I couldn't connect with, or a question I didn't know how to answer. In this instance it was an immediate mental side note said out loud.
Maybe I'll always be associated with innocent traits.
Maybe in some circumstances I just have to learn for myself.
If you couldn't already tell, I was trying to wrap things up and lead into a "he was right, I shouldn't pine after him anymore" thing. (Not "he" as in George, btw, but "he" as in My Mister Mister, DL, the one I've been updating about.) Because he was. Because in the past few weeks a combination of events have happened to cause me to introspectively investigate, and the findings of my detective work have solved the case. The case wasn't that hard to solve, I just have a tendency of looking into the details before reading the obvious: we want different things. Completely different things! Undeniably different things. I realized this at the end of last summer, I took my time to get over him, I made my attempts at coming full circle to meet with closure at the local Starbuck's, have a cup of coffee and be along my merry way.
Further evidence supports the theory that we are still attracted to each other (hence spending the night a few weeks ago and being dumfounded that I was even invited to spend the night), can still crack each other up, but ultimately cannot give each other what we need at this time. And that's okaaay! The great thing about blogging is it's a moment frozen in time -- it solidifies all of the words floating in the pool of consciousness in my brain, strings them along in order and creates a nice imprint for me to re-visit later. Those moments are sometimes lasting moments full of feeling that has churned inside for the better part of a week, those moments are also sometimes the result of having too much time, not enough time, or too much synaptic energy. I hope I didn't come off as being anything other than I was -- on the steps to something that could be great, waiting behind the police tape.
I came back to those steps and the police tape was still there, so I've decided to go look for another story of steps. Um, and let's not get too ahead of ourselves, but.. pending a new investigation into our new prime suspect, I may have found something that could be.. better. That could be more aligned with my wants and needs. That could be something amazing, breath-taking and what I've been lollygagging waitin' around for. You know it's good when the laughter is so intense you can't restrain it, when you're doubled over in giggles, over a whirl of excitement, inside jokes, movie quotage and pop culture references. When caps are a necessity, because typing "BWAHAHAHAHA" is more true in the moment than the subdued "lol."
"Yup, I've decided.. I'm pretty sure i could flirt with you all night." By all means, PLEASE DO.
Aaah, I am ridiculously excited. Nervous gervous but a bundle of dy-no-mite. What if I'm not as pretty in person as a photo he's seen and liked (assuming he likes any photos aah)? What if the real deal in person is too shy at first to captivate any interest? What if I regain those 10lbs I worked so hard to lose (halfway to my weight goal YEAH!)?! What if my freaking fracking wing woman can't come and I have to go alooone! Well that would be okay BUT STILL. What if, what if, what if. What if things work out? Then hot damn, this is the first thing I've gotten truly excited about in a really long time (even more excited than the Mr. Mister I started blogging about initially) and I'mma gonna do cartwheels on a lawn to celebrate. What if things don't work out? Then hot damn at least I know I can get excited again after Joe and DL/Mr. Mr. and I'm still gonna do cartwheels on a lawn. Or maybe hula hoop.
Also there are 2 other suspects that have shown interest, and can I just say: What The Eff. WTE. I just made that up. WTE MAN! I get nothing and then ALL of it, and for some girls that's cool because they're hot and already used to it, but I am sooooo not. The past year I've entered singledeom, I've experienced some things but nothing's stuck yet. I was gettin' a little jaded, then this excited guy comes along and I'm like "Whoa!" And then two interested ones come along and I'm like "Hm, well maybe" because I'm still overstruck by the Keanu Reeves "Whoa" from earlier. No one is going to get that but me! Hah! And I don't even have to explain it because I'm only writin' for me! Double hah! Hah hah! The perks of starting up a new blog without telling anyone. :D
Forgot to mention this mental sunshine I absorbed the past month: Don't rely on anyone else for happiness, make it happen yourself. Forgot about that. Glad I was reminded. :]
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