One fond embrace, Aloha'oe

I'm in the process of transferring all of my MySpace blogs over here, in an effort to create a cohesive whole to my digital representation/consciousness.

It's amazing to look back on a year, two years, three years in the span of 15 minutes. What I was like then, the things I thought were interesting, the people in my life.. everything is constantly evolving. Dates stick out like sore thumbs (see: October 16th, 2007 when I said goodbye to a loved one and hello to deployment; May 30th, 2008 as a wound to the chest; the fresh summer of 2010) whereas in other instances fond memories endear my heart to some that have faded away. I can still sometimes recall exactly what I was feeling when typing certain entries -- even events/emotions I meant to include but forgot in the cycle of edits. I wish I had a version of what each entry ended up to become and what I intended each entry to say, especially since it feels like most of my blogs morphed into something completely different than what I intended (like most of my art).

I am happy to accept change, whether it's for good or bad, because in the ultimate end, in the big picture of all of this, it's for the best. Stagnancy is unhealthy. At the same time, the unknown is a bit scary, a bit thrilling, even a bit sexy if you come across it in the right opportunity. In this ever-changing world in which we live in, I suppose I haven't gotten used to that funny feeling of loosing one's grip. It can be on many things -- your grip on reality, your grip on responsibility, love, loss, control. I feel most unease when I've lost grip of a perceived future, I suppose. On something I thought I could count on, someone I thought wanted to stick around, etc. It used to be fun to be loosey goosey, sometimes it still is, but perhaps with maturity comes a desire to be able to count on some sort of permanency. I always confused the "a" and the second "e" in that word!

In any case, rummaging through those old entries felt like meeting an old friend for coffee. Past loves, losses, encounters, job opportunities, betrayals, jokes, excitements, let downs, fresh experiences and giddy, whimsical tales. It felt like saying hello, reminiscing on the golden times, acknowledging the bad, reinforcing the lessons learned from each and leaving with a fond embrace. And maybe cheeks sore from laughing so hard. :]

I'm excited to stumble upon whatever I'm supposed to stumble upon, I'm excited to discover whatever is available to discover! Most of all I'm excited to learn, live, love and laugh! Bring it, life. ("Oh it's already been brought'en!")