It's Friday, I'm in love.

Update: Loving life. In love. In life.

So often in my other blogs I feel like I just state how I feel instead of putting emotion into something. I wonder if that's a tendency or just something about sitting down at the computer screen and suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the jumble of words and sentence combinations that flow out of the mental faucet. Not to mention the overflow of tangencies that proceed thereafter and not wholly understanding how the puzzle will fit into place.

Was I born scatterbrained or is that just some funky left-handed thing?

I gotta paint or create. There was a cloud of desaturation infiltrating my vision -- slowly at first and then seeping into almost everything. I started going through life as an ant, as they say, dulled and on auto-pilot. And I think that's unavoidable, to a certain extent you always have to be able to have that ability in order to survive sometimes, because maybe all you're focused on is surviving. Just because you posses human emotion doesn't mean you want to acknowledge, activate or expend it. There was a chunk of last year where I was dazed and haphazardly trying to keep up without any passion for what I was doing or what was happening around me. Me, me, me. I, I, I. Ugh, blogging sounds so selfish at times.

Color is returning, vivid clarity and sharp details have zoomed into focus. So I don't know what I want to do with my life, who cares? I'm taking steps to do what I love and make that work. Why is everything in my brain based on having the answers. Why can't it just be about living and being happy and grateful for the opportunity to take a breath, and occasionally increase a small area's carbon dioxide levels with a great debate? Or a pause to see the twinkle in someone's eye as they fondly share a sunny memory? A small portion of their lives that they will carry forever, calling upon in times of need, reassurance, self-deprecating or self-enlightening.

There's some cheesy quote about going through life waiting for that moment to happen when the right conditions are met to be happy and missing all of the opportunities to be happy along the way. I don't know. I don't get truly inspired often and so often I've been too busy to clench my teeth into it. Maybe it's time to put that to use instead of ignoring it for the sake of "real life"/obligations. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do, is follow that inspiration and see where it takes me.

In other news, yes! In love! Can I shout it? Oh man. Please? Okay!