She said can you remember me, I'm the one that picked the apple tree

I'm going to go out here on a limb and say that this has good potential. I'm also going to cower back from that limb and say I am afraid of getting hurt again.

How can I say this? The last thing that came by way and made me this excited died down. The last time I felt this giddy and blushed this much, it only lasted for 2-3 months. I was really into it, I liked the person a lot, I looked forward to every IM and weekend spent at his house. But there came a point where we disconnected, shit hit the fan, I wasn't let in and there's something.. there. Something underneath all of those layers that still bothers me about it. I suppose in the end I wondered why someone would start a first kiss and begin something so amazing without wanting to see what could become of it. I suppose it's because I never got to argue, I just took it as it was. I suppose it's also because I didn't get a chance to unwind, relax, get comfortable with them enough for, in my opinion, them to tell if I had staying power. Maybe not. Maybe they could see past it all.

Let's see what else. The last time something lasted an entire weekend, my excitement level only lasted a week or two. I was all into it and then I lost it. We got to know each other more and I wasn't really all that giddy about who I uncovered underneath.

What I'm trying to say is I don't want this to be like one of the other times. I don't want this to be like any of the other times! I'm not saying that this new guy has to be the end all, but I am saying that he's pretty amazing and seems like the type of person I have been looking for in a significant other for awhile. If I've learned anything from my past relationship, it's what works and doesn't work for me in certain scenarios -- and this one is showing some lasting potential.

I'm excited but I feel I'm also holding myself back. God I've been ready for a good relationship for a year now and something like this falls into place and weirdly tumbles into our laps. I am so relieved I'm not the only one excited. I am sooo nervous. I am soo still not comfortable in my own skin (almost in the 120s though, only 3 lbs away yay).

I'm worried about making this out to be something better than it is. I am worried about losing interest. I am worried in him losing interest. I am worried it will die out before getting a nice, steady blaze going.. but I am really, really glad that this is happening. :] I hope I can push past all of this bullshit enough to show him something worth sticking around for. Something worth coming back to. We'll see, let's not get ahead of ourselves. But if it feels right, let's freefall.