Ah-ah-aaaaah-choo!

I have not been able to stop sneezing and sniffling for the life of me! What is this, some sort of weird sickly hang over? Re-tarded. It should be noted that since leaving the dog-infested area, sniffling and sneezing activity seems to have died down significantly. Irregardless, girls night was a lot of fun. :]

Let's dig deep into the subconscious levels and peel away the metaphorical onion layers for a bit. To be frank, I need to stop being ridiculously shy not only around new guys, now, but new girlfriends. I haven't had this sort of shyness with girls that I know will be great girlfriends until recently, and I'm thinking it's because of the weight gain and reasons my last relationship ended. (It doesn't help that I act so silly/social online and then take 2-3 hang-out periods before I work up to being comfortable around someone new.)

The weight gain is silly, I went from a size 2 to a size 6 in a few months after some emotional pile ups last year.. I've been going back to the ol' size 2 body slowly but surely. Already I'm down to 132, which is 10lbs lighter than when I started! My goal is to be in the mid-120s by late May (my birthday), and I'm guessing from there I will fit into my size 2s and 4s again. I'm not focused on the actual weight number, but it does help me get a frame of reference for how much longer I have to go to get back to "normal."

And now, the previous relationship scars.. See, the last boyfriend was a good one. Things started out really great, things progressed so fluidly that I don't think either of us realized what was happening until we woke up one day and realized we'd been together for 2-3 years. Know what illicited that 4am phone call? The Marines. He got deployed, we moved in together before he left, I got roommates to pay rent while he was gone, he came home, things were supposed to be like they were before he left. But they weren't. He had something with my best friend and roommate going on behind my back at the time, I went to Hawaii, and we held the pieces for a year after he got back before having to call it quits. We're still good friends to this day.

Irregardless of what happened with Joe, the Marine, I think what has scarred me most is what happened with Michelle, the former best friend. We've all patched things up since, but perhaps there is some underlying hesitancy towards females because of what happened. In the back of my mind I think my subconscious starts to wonder, "Is she going to pretend to be my best friend and screw me over later on?" when I'm having a conversation with a great gal that I jive with in that best friend manner. That's why I gravitated towards guys. I've never gravitated towards guys, even as a kid I was too shy to ask Zach Edlow to play foursquare! WTF.

Well anyway.. we had a girls night last night that turned into a girls morning and girls afternoon, and we all noted many times that we have very good potential to become the best of friends. We all jive, we all had fun, we all laughed. But I was the most quiet. I don't like being the quiet one. I am comfortable with it but I don't always like it. And then this morning and afternoon, I was sniffling and sneezing too much to even really pay attention to the conversation. Luckily I am 70% sure that the ladies understood, but there are always those first hang outs where if nothing is initiated afterwards, things start to die down. Sort of like that second date potential window that always happens after the first.. though I think with friendships it's more low key.

Anywho I hope that this won't be one of those times where I look back and go "I should have gotten to know them better before so-and-so moved away" or "Why didn't we hang out more when we always said we would." Also I am exciiiited for next weekend because it is the first date with the new guy/prime suspect AND the night before I will get to hang out with one of the other potentials. Another potential wants to do something too but I think that might be a little too much for one weekend.

Again, since when did guys start liking me? Uh, yeah I don't know!